Tony Abbott shocked the media yesterday by holding a press conference to outline his bold new Education Policy. Abbott began his press conference by telling members of the press that there would be no follow up questions at the end of his speech.
“Good morning. Get your pens and paper and write this shit down cause this is going to be legendary.” Abbott said licking his lips.
Mr Abbott then began his speech earnestly.“The best way to harness Australia’s future is in Education. The potential in getting the right education to meet the needs of the future… to build a strong Australia and planting the right message in the easily manipulated minds of Australian children.”
“Our plan involves saving lots and LOTS of money and will streamline education across all states and territories. To make education easier to teach we plan to replace all textbooks with one easy to use textbook that covers everything Australian children should ever need to know.”
Tony Abbott paused as a huge weird smile appeared on his face. He announced excitedly, “Australian children will be educated by my book, “A Strong Australia”. My vision for a Strong Australia is having every child learn my vision, plans, directions and policy commitments in a fun educational way.”
After Tony Abbott lifted up his book and slapped it a few times he ended his speech by saying “Tony Abbott is the future… today! Now go forth and the spread the good word minions.” Mr Abbott at press time was not in any hurry to bother to release any other policy saying, “I have nailed it… nailed it… NAILED IT!”