Witty Sam on November 9th, 2012

I was inspired… no, that’s not right… I was outraged today about the news of the Catholic Church systemically covering up priests who have been sexually abusing children. You can watch the Tony Jones short video from Lateline or, if you have more time you can watch the Four Corners, Unholy Silence. I should also add that the Catholic Church “allegedly” hid crimes of paedophile priests… allegedly. I spoke to my lawyers and they say that allegedly that should cover me… allegedly.

But then this did inspire me… it has inspired me to create my first meme.

I think I’ve proven my point.

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Witty Sam on October 10th, 2012

Fiona Lester - Principal of Redfern Public School

By Fiona Lester

 

Children today are so misunderstood.  As the Principal of Redfern Primary School so many children have been sent to my office for minor offences such as fighting, throwing rocks at passing cars, and stealing computers… and it disturbs me. These poor children have been the victim of teachers who are intolerant and are so quick to put them on detention instead of seeing that they are merely children who need more love and attention. Praise not detention is the answer… it’s time we phased out detention all together and start a new program of Fun and Forgiveness. F & F will comprise of games, iceblocks, red cordial and getting the teachers to forgive the children for their minor misdemeanours.

I am sick and tired of teachers who jump on these misunderstood children. Every single day I receive at least 15 detention notes from teachers… it’s driving me insane. Teachers are completely out of touch with children of today. As I listen to these children who have been placed on detention they are telling me how they are being picked on and singled out by teachers. I am disgusted! When I place these children in my F & F program they seem so wonderful… I have no idea what the teachers can possibly see as so terrible with their behaviour.

Selection of children currently in F & F program

I plan to expand on my successful program and reach out to the wider community. I have been encouraged by the children… and their often misunderstood parents. Some of these parents have spent time in jail. I plan to leave the education system and apply to be the next Police Commissioner of NSW. My F &F program will revolutionise the way we treat our so called “criminals”, getting them out of prison and enjoying the world around them.

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Witty Sam on April 25th, 2012

ANZAC cookies are usually the staple for ANZAC Day but this year why not try something different. This is a little something you can even get the kids involved in and have a bit of fun together as a whole family.

What you need:

ANZAC cookies. I used 3 but you can go crazy with as many as you want.

Betty Crocker Creamy Deluxe Vanilla frosting. It’s expensive American frosting so you know it’s good… not like that cheap Australian no branded frosting that you have to add water too then mix it to get the right consistency. There’s no time for mixing we’ve got patriotic stuff to do.

Red Colouring.

Army Men. I picked up a bag from The Reject Shop for $1. Now that’s a bargain!

Tiny Australian flag on a toothpick.

 Creating your ANZAC Day masterpiece…

Place a few ANZAC cookies on a plate. Break open the plastic army men and start breaking them apart… we need body parts! Gather as many bits of arms, legs and heads as possible. Keep the legless, armless and headless bodies they will come in handy too.

Mix red colouring and frosting to create a nice pot of blood. With a heaped spoon throw the red frosting onto the ANZAC cookies as if you are holding a gun firing at the Turks as you are landing on the shores of Gallipoli.

Now it’s time to let your creative side to shine! Create a battlefield of dead soldiers in your pool of thick  blood. As you can see I placed an armless, headless soldier in a little scene with another soldier with a gun. With dead soldiers and body parts surrounding him. With the left over red colouring you can add the effect of more blood by pouring it over the cookies and frosting.  I added a bit of chocolate powder to represent the dirt from… you know, the ground.

Finally, place the Australian flag in your creation. Everything becomes authentically patriotic when the Australian flag is added. There you have the best Australian patriotic dish that will educate your kids, as well as having them bounce off the walls from all the red colouring.

Enjoy!

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