Staff at Dulux Trade Centre, West Gosford are sad to see Liz leave
Everyone is preparing to say goodbye to Liz Richards next week. Management at Dulux Trade Centre, West Gosford had made the decision on Friday to give Liz the sack after 25 years of loyal and dedicated service. No real reason was given by management for their decision, however they “have a week to think of something good.”
Since the decision to sack Liz, all the staff have been busy putting up “Goodbye Liz” signs everywhere around the store. ”Liz is such a lovely person. I can’t remember how many times she helped me out when I wanted time off and there wasn’t anyone that would cover my shifts,” said co-worker Jerry Bayer while writing on the blackboard at the front of the store, “I’m going to miss Liz.”
Liz started at the store stacking shelves part-time after school when she was 16, eventually working her way up to customer service. “Helping people with their paint and accessory needs has been Liz’s sole reason for getting up everyday,” Tracey Warner tearfully explained. Tracey who has worked with Liz for a year can’t believe that she’ll be leaving next week. “I love Liz… everyone does,” she said.
Liz has been described as the most hardworking employee within the store who hasn’t had any time off for 3 years until now.
“As soon as Liz returns from her well deserved week holiday we’ll be informing her she’s fired,” said Dulux Trade Centre store manager, Peter Clarkson over the PA system on Friday.
What Do Things Reveal About Your Current Situation?
- Things for Beginners
- The Truth Of Things
- Me, Myself & Things
- Life Before Things
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- The Boy Who Couldn’t Stop Things
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Expert Jenny Abbey says you're fucking hopeless
According to a new report released today, experts who have spent the past 2 years just observing you, say there’s no hope for you. The 200 page document was compiled to bring your attention to your innate and utter obliviousness to your sad, pathetic life. Experts also hope that their report will kill any hopes, desires and dreams you may have.
“Oh my God… it has been so painful for us to watch you living your shitty existence while hearing you constantly say crap like, ‘Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm’ or ‘For every problem there is an opportunity’ or ‘Every cloud has a silver lining’. I mean seriously, you just don’t have a fucking clue how hopeless your life really is,” says leading expert Jenny Abbey.
Experts say you should remember far more useful quotes such as, “trying is my first step to failure”, “good things ONLY happen to other people” and “there’s no point in doing anything when other people will always do it much better than me”.
Experts are astounded that despite your current fucked up situation, you have an eternally optimistic outlook that “things can only get better”. According to the report, nothing can be further from the truth. “The only thing you’ve got to look forward to is your death,” says Jenny, “and you’ll probably make a fucking mess of that too”.
The report urges you to:
- Stop listening to people who say you can do anything – this is what is called “false hope”
- Stop reading motivational material – this will do shit all since there’s no hope for you
- Stop believing in yourself – this will make your life easier
According to Jenny, they would have released the report sooner but they wanted to make it comprehensively clear that there’s no hope for your future at all.
Tags: desires, dreams, failure, hope, hopeless., no hope, success
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