Oprah Winfrey ends show in space and is very slowly descending to earth. In a decision that has shocked the world, Oprah Winfrey has done the unthinkable and has ended her entire belief system that has been keeping her in orbit for the past 25 years and will return to Earth in 2011.
Oprah said in her only statement communicated to everyone on Earth in their dreams last night, “After consulting with my Angel Network via a trance last week, I have decided to rejoin the human race. I will be landing back on Earth Sept 9, 2011. You get an Oprah… you get an Oprah, and you get an Oprah… you get an Oprah… everyone gets an O-pppprraaaahhh!!!!”
Noone is certain what Oprah Winfrey is talking about at the end of her statement so we asked an Oprah Winfrey expert to take a stab at it. “It could be that Oprah is hyped up on sugar, deprived of oxygen and is about to pass out, or it could be a coded message…. they are just 3 theories we are working on at the moment.”
“Look, we are not going to say bringing Oprah back to Earth will be easy.” Head Angel St. Peter from Oprah’s Angel Network said from Oprah’s Angel Network underground bunker. “But Oprah is the most powerful person in the world… if she said Samantha Banfield is the funniest person in the entire world – it would become fact because no one argues with Oprah!”
A location has not been confirmed as Oprah’s landing site. Wherever it maybe it is sure to turn into an instant landmark that will either become a Theme Park or a Sea Odyssey.
A scientist wearing a white lab coat, goggles and holding a test tube explains, “Science is based in science. And as a scientist, I can tell you that science has all the answers… and for what science has yet to explain – it will… eventually. In conclusion, cloning Oprah is impossible.”
One skeptic doesn’t believe Oprah has been orbiting Earth, hosting her shows from her spaceship. Timothy Baden, who has been studying Oprah Winfrey Show tapes everyday for the past 25 years believes it’s all a hoax. Timothy believes her shows are somehow magically taped in what he calls “Oprah’s Harpo Production Studio” in Chicago. “I got suspicious when she moved in next door… I knocked on her door but she refused to answer. The woman kept saying her name was ‘Queen Latifah’. That’s not even a real name! So I climbed the fire escape … I could see her getting undressed in the bathroom – and it was clearly Oprah. So I went back the next night with a camera and several rolls of film – I must have taken 100 photos that night. Turns out it was Queen Latifah…”
Dannielle Walters from Denver Colorado, a religious Oprah Follower said, “We are all praying Oprah crashes into our city… and if I am slightly injured it will be such an honor… and the big break I have been waiting for. It’s my greatest dream to get onto TV! And who knows where it will lead – my own reality TV show, interview with the freakishly young looking Mary Hart on Entertainment Tonight, or even a record deal with Sony. I can’t sing but that doesn’t stop Britney Spears.”
Oprah’s has yet to confirm her new role on Earth. Experts believe she will get utterly bored living amongst us mere mortals and won’t know what to do with herself. One Super Expert of all Experts says, “I have no doubt she’ll end up sitting in front of the TV watching The Ellen Degeneres Show gorging on chips, candy and chocolate milk kicking herself that she ended her show all too soon.”