I have returned…I have been distracted by a wonderful man. Finally, I have found a man that hasn’t taken out a restraining order against me. I met him by chance during a routine drug bust – who knew that Wizz Fizz is illegal in Sphatniigum (meaning is Ruled by man with small penis)… our eyes met across a crowded police line-up… and it was love at first sight. I had wondered if he perhaps he was too high on Wizz Fizz… or sloshed on monkey milk – turns out that I am the first woman that he has ever seen that hasn’t got facial hair… all the women in his country grow facial hair in order to make the gods happy… the longer your beard the closer to heaven you are. Sphatniigum is famous for bearded women and around the clock rendition of “The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Music” in the Town Square…

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