Witty Sam on August 23rd, 2010
Plans to insulate all Australians

Plans to insulate all Australians as we move closer to Antartica

During an election campaign you would think getting hold of the current unreal Prime Minister of Australia for an interview is impossible. Strangely Julia Spillard, the unreal Prime Minister of Australia was extremely receptive when I approached her for my first Witty Sam interview.

When Julia Spillard answered the phone she knew who Witty Sam was instantly…. which was a little unnerving. She’s that powerful she probably knew I was going to call…

Julia Spillard is the Official Doppleranger of the first female Prime Minister of Australia. Here is my exclusive interview with Julia Spillard.

What was your response when Mark Latham said you touched him inappropriately?

I kicked him in the nuts. My parents taught me that if a dog has you in it’s grip and won’t let go a good kick to the nutsack is the quickest resolution. An Education Resolution!

Do you think  Latham is telling the Australian public to leave the ballot papers blank cause he doesn’t know how to vote?

I think Mark Latham wants to grab the hands of Australians and break their fingers…

There’s a lot of talk about your huge weird-ass earlobes. Would you consider going on Extreme Makeover to get them fixed?

Yes. You can join the people’s forum on Christmas Island to discuss my earlobes and when I have run out of things to do I’ll give you a call and ask you what you think.

Your Government is offering 25% rebates on Lazy Patches bought before the election – what color Lazy Patch would suit my eyes?

Sky Blue.

Finally Prime Minister, how will you be celebrating on Sunday after you’ve won the election?

I’ll be laughing like an evil genius. And having a tight lipped pash with Tim!

It was a pleasure interviewing  Julia Spillard, our unreal Prime Minister. She’s sooper unreal…

It’s great to have an alternative choice this election. Australia is an unreal country that needs unreal leaders – so Vote 1 Julia Spillard.

You can give your support to Julia Spillard by following her on Twitter

And subscribe to her YouTube Channel here – catch up with all her policies and she responds to all the crap in the media personally. You’ll laugh at Julia’s name change for Christmas Island… I won’t spoil the surprise so go check it out yourself.

Tags: , , , , , ,

Witty Sam on August 18th, 2010

The leader of The Crazy Party wants YOUR vote

The Australian Federal Election is just around the corner. Every man, woman and child over 18 will be voting this Saturday… unless you are not  registered to vote or you decided to vote early.

I love elections! It’s a wonderful time when politicians want me to vote for them. I’ve never felt more wanted by people that couldn’t care less any other time of the year. Everyday, I receive personalised mail from every political party telling me of their election promises if they win. I feel bad for all of them cause I  can only choose one party to lead the country. I just wish everyone could win and be the leader.

A new lesser known political party has come forward to stand up for Australian’s who need more craziness in their lives – The Crazy Party. They have a bunch of crazy election promises to move Australia forward into a new era of crazy.  It’s better than The Paranoid Party that says I should sleep with one eye open cause you never know when “they” are coming to get you.

The Crazy Party with their crazy election promises will make a real difference to the lives of Australians.

Here’s 8 Crazy Election Promises:

1. Build Better SIM Cities

2. Farmville Farmers to be given a shitload of free Farmville cash

3. Shrink the Australian public to tiny comical size – to make room for more people

4. Get things done with emotional blackmail

5. Will only communicate to the Australian people using Charades

6. Start non-evil planning for World Domination

6. Work hard for better Lotto results – everyone wins!

7. Start a broad hair-band network

8. Promise that you’ll never have to see anything bad ever again by providing special “turn a blind eye” blindfolds

Tomorrow as I rock up to vote in yet another exciting Federal Election, I will be doing more than leaving my ballot papers blank – I will be voting for The Crazy Party.  I want these guys to win and if I don’t get my crazy election promises I will be voting for The Paranoid Party in the next election.

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Witty Sam on August 15th, 2010

Dear Real Estate Dude or Dudette,

I’m asking for your permission to keep a dog at my residence. I really really love dogs! I’m a huge fan of The Dog Whisperer. Cesar Millan has a way with all the dogs. And every time I watch his show it pulls on my heart strings. I just have so much love to give. So why not have a dog – other people do.

I know you’re really keen on knowing which breed of dog I intend on getting. I spent 4 hours on Google -  it was so hard to choose with so many cute breeds on the Trading Post, Pet Net and Just Dog Breeds. In the end I chose one from Cute-Breeds-Are -Us.

I've named her Princess

Breed: Cutie-Pie

Temperament: Easy going, good sense of humor, loves to entertain on a Friday night, and worships Satan

Eats: Small children and Schmackos

Languages: Icelandic and Satanic

Bad Time: Cutie-Pie’s are unpredictable at night time.

Protection: Yes, you should definitely get life insurance and put a lock on the bedroom door

Appearance: Elegant, dainty, with a wide eyed innocent expression. (So there’s no pinning anything on this breed of dog)

Intelligence: Can read lips and recite every episode of  The Simpsons

Weaknesses: Kryptonite

I understand you will require training papers. I have written to the CIA requesting all training papers ASAP. FYI – I have already bought the dog, so if you could just say “Yes” that would be great.

Your Sincerely,

Tags: , ,