Witty Sam on July 23rd, 2014
the ghost in my dream

The ghosts looked something like this…

I had the weirdest dream that bordered on a nightmare last night, except it involved one important thing. This will reveal itself at the end…

I’ll start from where I remember the dream. To clarify, I’m going to say “we” a lot but I don’t know/remember who the other people were.

I was in an old house that “we” knew had ghosts in it. Our goal was to find these ghosts and find out what their issues were so “we” could help them be at peace. “We” kept climbing the stairs until we came across the two most scariest ghosts. They really didn’t want us to climb to the top floor where they resided. They confronted us… and when they came face to face with me I was trying to conceal how out of my mind scared I was. They were not of human body in looks… they were grey in appearance like an old knitted cardigan poncho… where their face should be, was just two black round circles that were the eyes. They didn’t speak… the two black circle “eyes” just stared me down trying to scare the living shit out of me. Which pretty much worked. Then they just turned around and glided up the final flight of stairs to the top floor. The other people I was with followed them. So naturally I had to go with them.

Once I arrived at the top floor it was clear they were not happy that we were there. Knowing I had no choice but to stay, I decided I had to try to help them. They circled us… then I started singing a Kylie Minogue song. I can’t remember what song it was… but it helped me to be calm and I thought “Hey, who doesn’t like Kylie music? This has got to help them too.” I kept singing at the top of my lungs with determination. Then the walls started to break down from wood to coins… then those coins fell away to reveal the outside world. Which scared me. I didn’t like the idea of no walls.

These two ghosts seemed to calm down. Then their brother turned up. I “knew” they needed to be reunited with their brother. I got them to sit down to reconnect via a familiar phrase that the three of them had used growing up – “bee bop”. The brother kept saying “bee bop” and they suddenly took human form. They were two very beautiful elderly women. I was relieved…

Then the room filled with people. An old Hollywood actress approached the two elderly ladies. They all seemed to know each other. They had a wonderful conversation about something. Everyone was happy. There were three long tables filled with people… a feast appeared from nowhere. We were all eating Turkish Delight. Some people were saying that it was quite strong. Then I told everyone that if they dipped it in the bowl of chocolate fudge, it tasted much better. In the centre of every table was the most delicious chocolate fudge that seemed to be oblivious to people… except me. Then I watched everyone dip their Turkish Delight in the chocolate fudge… and I went back to eating mine.

Then I woke up.

witty sam

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Witty Sam on April 12th, 2014

Fame is a funny thing. So many people chase it… as if it’s going to be the thing that fulfils them. Not me… fame was thrust upon me. I didn’t ask for it… nor did I seek it. Well, I lie… I totally wanted it and constantly sought it out. You see, I am a famous ‘My Kitchen Rules’ tweeter. Two of my tweets have made it onto the screen. You may recognise me… and if you haven’t then you are living under a rock. I.AM.FAMOUS!

In this modern technological magical age, fame is epitomised as having your tweet displayed on TV for five seconds. Once this has been achieved you can dip yourself in the warm vat of happiness and feel the glow of fame being absorbed through your imperfect pours… no one can take that away from you EVER.

My Kitchen Rules tweet

My ultra uber famous My Kitchen Rules tweet. Now you may bow before me…

The fact that my tweet was chosen out of so many that can only dream of having their tweet seen on TV, makes me feel so superior. I am clearly so much better than everyone else. Not everyone who tweets while watching the show gets the privilege of seeing their tweet on the TV. I am part of a very very exclusive group… it’s a tiny group… a tiny humble group.

I have decided that I don’t need a paying job that sucks the life out of me, I just need to live tweet and have my tweets displayed on TV for everyone to see. This will make me far happier than having a pay check at the end of every week. Tweet fame… something that no pay check can ever buy.

witty sam

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Witty Sam on July 24th, 2013

Kerri-Anne Kennerley looks closely

If being in this sun is the loveliest, then we must begin. If you wish to now be going to the place, then you flow through the downtown river. Bow down to the greatness. Believe the pillow rest that’s boxed into the room below the television with Kerri-Anne Kennerley staring directly into your soul. Ripped be people with sonic power. Take the hot seat and feel your hair being parted and remember to bring a pen half filled with no ink.

Jovial  normal people squeeze together  through cloudy music  even if interrupted by quacking ducks. Taking a jump start to buy diamond steel, satisfaction be key… there’s intense sacredness burning around us.  Keep words scrambled, acting like everything is normal, is not beyond your understanding. You know I’m right by placing the spotlight directly into your eye. Don’t go happiness, you are bright in the ever glowing fried egg. Feed the content with a blanket of consciousness warmed by the sun.

Go now and forever be altered.

witty sam